Hubby’s adult kids say I’m not welcome and he’s either “in or out”?
Married a man that had become widowed the same week/year that I was 8 yrs ago. We love each other, are happy and I’ve adopted the 2 yr old that is now 11. 20 yr old is like a son to me.
There are a total of 4 kids (all were his). The two oldest kids are now married and have kids. After years of struggling and working hard to create a family atmosphere and to develop relationships, the eldest son says I’m not welcome in their home. I’ve apologized & tried to make ammends regardless of how much I would’ve loved an apology in return….bottom line?
Now, they’ve finally accepted my apology, but they say their Dad is either “in or out” where grandparenting is concerned. They say that he hasn’t visited his grandchildren enough. What to do? We live an hour away, and mostly since I (have not been welcome there, it makes it pretty akward for him to leave me and go to them. I’m trying to let go of my old hopes of family so he can have a good relationship even if I can’t. Ideas?
What I did was…I tried to keep hubby’s late wife’s family welcome to family gatherings for the kid’s sake. Hubby didn’t really want me to (all these years). Finally told dil that I was done with it. I realized that I had tried too hard too long. So, they want me to know that I am not their children’s grandmother and that they want to keep deceased mother’s memory alive for their kid’s sake. Plz keep in mind that stepson was 18 when I married his Dad. We had good relations until he married.
I also, told DIL that she was “pushing me too hard” once when she wanted me to watch the baby 2 nights and then stretched it to 4 nights. Grandpa was going to be out of town and, quite honestly I’ve never even given birth to a child, so I’m not that baby saavy. 4 nights freaked me out. We had only had him overnite once and he laid awake smiling at us all night. Didn’t think I could do it alone. Wish I hadn’t told her she was pushing me too hard, but I couldn’t get her to take a “no”.
- *Continuing the discussion from the original post found here.
they’re being pretty selfish. ultimatums rarely work and his kids are going to lose out.
No you forget these older children and their threats. You and your husband should just go on with your lives and try not to mourn the loss of your dream of family. Make family out of what yu have. This son will one day regret his harsh and unfair treatment of his father and he will suffer for it for the rest of his life after his father dies. He is only hurting his children by depriving them of a grandfather.
He should not leave you just to try and appease his unreasonable son. It is this son that should be apologizing to both of you.
Just do the best you can and if they are still so rude! just let them be.
I absolutley hate my “step mom” I find her to be a gold digger, which I know is true. I love my dad to death but, never want her to come with or I never even want to talk or see her either. I am getting married and she will not be invited. What im trying to say is, if the kids dont get along with you, and you’ve been trying for a long time, you may just need to give up so their father can be apart of their life. Is trying to have a family with them worth your husband loosing his grandchildren?
You have your own child. You should focus on starting your own family not trying to join theirs.
why are they ruling your marriage? i’m sorry, but why on earth would you want to visit their household when they’ve been so disrespectful to both you and your husband? it is not ok to make threats like that.
your husband needs to say to them, you are either in or out.
he needs to let them no it is NOT OK to treat you like that. they must not know.
I have to wonder what it was that you did that you have to make amends for. His kids are adults. They can visit as well. Sounds like they are used to manipulating the situation and you and your husband fall into line. Its not your fault their mother died. You obviously are doing something right since the two youngest aren’t an issue. I wouldn’t be so quick to bend over backwards.
Your eldest step son don’t have to like you, but he should respect the fact that you bring happiness to his father’s life and at least he should appreciate that. Also… you are his other parent, you’re not titled “step mom” for nothing and he should respect that as another factor. Each family member has a job to get along and keep the peace regardless of who feels what, and this is coming from a dude that used to be his step dad’s punching bag, ok. As to give you advice on how to deal with the situation, just try to relax and not let it bother you. Actually, thats my answer to everything lol.