Can anyone suggest books on alternatives to spanking for child discipline?
Question by spidermonkey: Can anyone suggest books on alternatives to spanking for child discipline?
I will be having my first child soon. I would like to raise this child without spanking. I would love to have a book with alternative ideas.
P.S. Please do not leave answers in support of spanking. I’m not interested.
I really appreciate everyone’s input. Your suggestions are useful, but I would really like to actually have a book with specific scenarios for future reference. It would also help if the book was supported by experts as I am trying to find this material not only for myself but also for convincing my husband of the non-spanking route.
Best answer:
Answer by Madi
Seems like a good book for parenting in general. If it has a chapter on spanking, just skip it =] j/k.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0345442865/nurturingourspir
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I dont know a book specifically. However, I would give the advice of a spatula on the hand, or time out. I hope this helps, sorry if it does not!
I can’t directly answer your question about books, but I just want to say that all you have to do is explain to the child why something is wrong and keep explaining until they understand why and agree not to do it again. Don’t judge or criticize them or punish them or withdraw your love from them just because they made a mistake or didn’t know better. Teach them good values and they won’t do anything wrong and will stop doing the behavior once they understand why it isn’t good for themselves or others to be doing it. Spanking is child abuse and is not needed.
I realize that what I said above applies to older children who have the ability to talk and understand speech and concepts, but I wanted to say it just the same.
Good luck with finding some good books.
The main problem with practicing “non-spanking”, is the spanking is not replaced with some other means of consequence.
Key word is consequence. Explaining is not a substitute for spanking.
Sure, children need to learn why they shouldn’t… juggle antique China vases, but you are not required to explain it to them before they stop doing it. Explaining is great, but if you do it too soon, it diminishes the authoritive effect of getting results quickly.
There’s always time to explain after the result is accomplished.
Alternately, a punishment is in order, especially if the child was forwarned of the activity, or worse… didn’t stop after being caught.
The most effective method is removal of privelages. TV, Games, etc. Time-outs just teach …currency.
In other words, “I can smash Grandmas clock, as long as I stand in the corner for 15 minutes.”
The problem is that any such books that I’ve seen are based on the faulty research which suggests that spanking is bad. I’m not saying that you have to spank, many parents don’t and have children that turn out fine. But virtually all of the anti-spanking research is flawed, and all of the books and research papers reflect those flaws.
The key is whether you spank or not, you must always punish calmly, never out of anger or frustration.
http://www.nospank.net/